1/26/10

“my rainbow died”

Published 12/20/2013 on Cliterature.
http://www.cliteraturejournal.com/dawncunninghammotherho.html


for Kyla

the pretty blurred colors
rain through the glass
make an unwashable spot
                                                 on a little girl’s toe

                                                 she dances with the colors
                                                 while a fist attempts
                                 
                to grasp the aired colors
                                 
                lifting her shirt to have
                                 
                a rainbow smile
                                                 smudged across her belly
                                                
 filling the buttonhole with laughter

today a wave
yesterday a wiggle
tomorrow . . .
                                               “my rainbow died”
                                               she begs papa to bring it back
                                               at ten a.m.
                                               on the hardwood floor

That's Why I Hate White People

(
This poem I am sharing with you is based on an incident that occurred while I worked as a bus assistant.)

she spoke with the bobbing-sway
of the head from side to side, the chin
jetting out as a chicken’s strut just at the end
of the line, while a small blonde girl
ran from her door

to get on the bus.  The next day the same:
         That’s why I hate white people,
as her eyes rolled, the corns

in her hair flopped about when the blonde
wore the same shirt as yesterday, ran out

of the house without her coat

on, with socks and shoes in hand.
         That’s why I hate white people,
I heard her say

again, the grin gritty on filed teeth
as another said “don’t they clean

the yard, wash their windows, put
their bikes in the garage;” the blonde’s tummy

growled ferociously; “didn’t
your mother fix you breakfast?”
         That’s why I hate white people,
escaped those lips a last time, before seeing
administration when the blonde

girl tripped and put a hole in the knee
         That’s why I hate. . . .

1/16/10

4 Ways to Die

1.
In the basement
the gulley     of the hospital
a corner           is tucked

Nuclear Medicine
Hidden away          deep in

to protect the masses
unlike me and those few others who happen to wander
down the wrong

hall of the building

Once trapped no one escapes
without a poke

without a puncture

without being injected              It is said

the amount is small
so small that it can’t harm you  Then why
all the cross bones
and skulls

People walk with IVs

dripping from arms

taped to a wrist  Mine
covered by a stretch cloth
           so as not to make me queasy when seeing  Isotopes run
rapid

through my liver       into my gallbladder
slowly to my intestines  An hour
of pictures and asking

what cells am I losing Is my brain being damaged This stuff can’t be directed
to follow one
path

One way in and nowhere
out       my body absorbing
it slowly  I hear a machine
pumping
like a well
like a heart  while I wonder

who’s trapped in there

2.
Few learn silence
           Through the trap of thorax before sea level;
                 all too many know

silence
           like an inescapable scream.
                                                       Have you kept
silence to
                eat the intestines, the liver,

                           the bronchiole tubes; have you buried

silence in a casket with a face full of fist to be reborn
                  again and again?


3.
Remembering
giant flakes that fall under
a black sky of sparkles

where the moon was blotted

and snowflakes absorbed light

like speckles of aluminous paint
that falls from a wall
the way nature does it            the only way
the way the mind sees
the path from the dog’s chain

to the back door in snow’s dark, and all the while,

while writing this, being buried in the downfall
—the bright                pains my eyes.


4.
a. A thing that he says disturbs me,

churns my insides.
“I’d rather be cleaning stalls,”
as he walks from the kitchen;
“No one cleans up after themselves.”  He told me
when he quit work

everything would change.  Children

would obey and clean.

b. There’s noise coming

from two bedrooms, a living room,
and the dining room—t.v.

or radio, or yelling; children
picking at an arm, a leg,
two dogs nibbling, gnawing, fighting
to be alpha,
a head and my gut talking to me,
but I don’t understand it; often

I can’t hear it—even in quiet.

c. Barium gets stuck

in my chest, and there is no gag
bag, only this cup of thick white
and an aroma lurking of rotten

raspberry, or. . . something; I can’t finish
and they say must.

d. Two grown women

in the same house don’t fit,

and neither do niece and aunt
only a few years apart.  My mouth

agape hearing
“I hate you;”

“You’re ugly,” sharing

dining room, kitchen,

and living room.

Sixth Symphony

I.
Unrest;
the breast aches; the fist clutches
a heart stroked with
music:             behind the ear; behind the skull;
                                   behind the spine washing
music        with more music,
squeezing the heart,

            squeezing passion,

            squeezing tears between
Fingers, which linger—on

            chest,

            lips,

            cheek;
     behind the ear;

deep breath

             and no breath
                         Breathes music’s fluidity.

Unrest;
the breast aches; the ribs express pain;
the mind in images
         
    of a time like . . .

             like a river trickling tickling music upon the ankle:
            so distant         so near
            so inequitable finding eyes

                                    to take

                                    in a breath.

II.
                         Young girl
                              in

                       Old woman
       Director directs emotion
       makes evening flowers
                   morning glories

                        yellow
                       orange

new blossom          lavender
        to dance the clouds
        with a painted young lad
        on a story book cover
              sword bearer

                   fingertip caresser

                   sagest respecter

              tongue torturer
  

         his thunder    remembered
    of him
    of him
        Under her bosoms

III.
fingers ache.

                    to touch.

                                  and caress form.
make music.

                    expand words with beat.
                                           with thrum.
                                           with blood:
ahhh—swell the brow.


IV.
Dark.
Close blinds.
Crawl in bed.
Breathe once.
Breathe twice.
Close eyes.
Tighter.
Breathe deeper.
Exhale slowly.
Smell music in dark.
Hear music rise from lungs.
Taste music bleed over tongue.
Allow music’s caress.
Stretch through arm,
             through leg,
             through fingers, toes.
Sense music’s image.
            Play on iris.
Roll right.
Roll left.
Music’s embrace.
    Crawling
    in.
                 Breathe.
                 Breathe.
Rise.
Awake.
Darkness
           Only in music

V.
Hard breath
           taken
on the breast
Hard breast
in sobs            in memories

           of knowledge      found through fantasy
The joy

of knowing    sorrow
of now
of flesh          Hard breath
                                  taken

sucked          grabbed
trapped

trudged through

broken breast

VI.
I feel a hand

lift my chin
his parted lips cover mine

the music filling
I drop my guard
      
    emotions run
         free    giddy
          a school girl again    always
the body’s reply
It isn’t just physical
       
    my stomach stirs
      
    anticipation grows
the ease to move to him

to want him

music fulfilling
He leads me
into the cradle of his arm
his tongue deep within my body
into my veins
        
    slowly
his hand slides into my hair

over my ear
down my neck

into the valley of my breasts

the music of the body
Lips part and gather skin

his thumb smoothes my lips
his other my hip
his chest presses into mine

my chin lifts to him
his tongue sucks my jaw
my neck

my shoulder
his hand in the middle of my back
                               
                       pressing and pressing

my grip upon his neck
                      
             pulling and pulling
now his tongue traveling up from the valley
my hips rise

A Woman Addresses her Unborn Child

 after Chitra Divakaruni


I lie about you.
Under my naked breast

you breathe liquid.  I am filled
with eyes, waiting

for your cry:
they believe you are his.

I lie about you.
In milky ink, shriveled
with tithing of pen

strangling my throat;
your chosen name, Jadon,

points, seeps the echo

of sin from my body.

I lie about you,

wanting for you to be,

wishing for us to be

his.


*Jadon—Hebrew name meaning, “he will judge.”

A Tin Lily

(as sculpted by Ginet Luebke)

Let material you wrap

around grill bars

or cover dish

take form, grow

to its crunched state

of blossoms thumbed—

a flourishing fluidity

crushed and pressed.
Let it flare into bloom around

an inner rod,    solid,    stiff

with an expression in flex.

The bloom in flight

beckons the honey bee,

but the bee cannot smell

from the glare that rises—

as it flutters above

humming a bloom with no nectar

crunched and crushed

into clover.
Confusion,

mystification,

uncertainty

closer

and closer,

then

Crushed.

time equated by "do not enter"

i wonder at the moon

               in all its dimples
               the war it could not defend itself from

               —is it a place we cannot enter

               creviced too deep

               a concept that will never be realized—

               —is it a hypothesis

               a theory

               to be wiped from a slate

               laughed at or forgotten

               a place to hide and make wonderment of past

               of future
               of the unknown—

               —is it an object to speak to (about pain)
               to wish to (when a star doesn’t answer)
               to study (when tears begin to fall
               or love has began or ended)
               and hope for the secret

i remember movie man in the moon
               first step for mankind
               first artificial heart

               first space shuttle flight

               and watching an uncle leave on a plane
              when i didn’t know the difference between

               Vietnam       VD        or D-day

so       i guess         time can’t be entered

               when leaving this Earth brings you back
               right here in this
 
      space

Re Re-statement of Romance

after Wallace Stevens

On that which I disagree of night knowing nothing of romance:
it is true I am what I am, and the night belongs to the soul

and in perceiving this the night is more than background.

Two, only two can interchange the physical-ness, it is true,
to create One, but night penetrates between and inside,

the night becomes part of the One

The night and I, and night and you, I and you and night are alone.
So much of you and I above . . . never, the night knows much of us

deeply, just as it does of others; oh! so far beyond the romance we know.

The night surrounds and encompasses, engulfs our One self

supremely in all of night that travels and gathers

before the pale light where we three will be seen as three.

I Heard

after James Wright

Just off the highway to Amishville, Ohio
twilight glitters off the morning dew.
And the eyes of two lost cows
Darkened with no hope
Cross the path of my BMW.
As I hasten my foot to break,
One cow stops to relieve itself.
Anger within swells,
As the urine splashes upon my ornament.
I rev the engine,
I honk the horn,
Their stock bodies stare me down.
They both give an exhausting moo,
While I fling a word or two.
I back up and turn away;
And as I go I hear one cow exclaim:
“That’s right; no city wench wanted here.”
The second adds: “The stench is more than I can bare.”
Quiet and puzzled,
With confusion I drive,
Away from the rank oddity of Amishville, Ohio.

Dennis Cunningham, / in freehand, / drawing Battle Star Galactica

(October 06, 1963 to June 21, 1982)
 
 
perfection

without a ruler

blinds

a 1910 school desk

an unskeptical hand

lines

the galactic war

papered by a flood light

of a 14 year old

where lies

cannot be drawn

time equated by ‘do not enter’
 


he is lost, now,

and then to the cosmos

what he imagined to be
 


pictures behind doors,

where black cannot fade

lines left by the hand

of a 6 foot 3 inch boy

crossing

 after Lucille Clifton


anywhere on the known planet
a white iris
crosses a road
between cars, dump trucks, busses.

on this place
a crossing guard stops traffic.
the red power
blocks mechanical business.  white words
halting flows into lined ants.

on the known planet
an iris
is hit by a Chevrolet
because mechanic’s will is driven
by madness
or by cell phone
or this shall be the day i . . . .

how does the day end?
    do the other passengers stop?
    did the crossing guard’s power stop?
do the roads intersect into tears
    or is the silent sirens to answer?

Above the Porch of the Black Moon

    1.
Across the midnight is the moon, our eyes white,
match the snow laid from Warsaw to Decatur;
we strain in our window pane, cowl
over the porch.  This night –
I       and my siblings should sleep –        we stay to see
the moon’s dimples.

    2.
We are five.
Father, our growling bear,
Mother, the mighty pen, the stronghold.
Mother wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer instead.
We know that.  She jazzes the kitchen with her ballad hips.

Myself: I turn to my bike mechanics,
become scavenger of lug nuts, break pads
that survived the winter.  I remold carport loft;
lift from grandfather's furniture
store to put in light fixture.

    3.
Before shadow’s evening I notice raccoons.
They wash hands like me,
cautious to keep unwanted visitors away: masked
for the knight's work.  Mother says
raccoons mean more chores.

    4.
In Indiana,
in the winter,
opossums steal the dog bowl every night.
Mother says they are lazy,
teach their children to steal.
“. . . leave their families with no
integrity.”

She hates the ways of opossums,
thieves in the night
hanging
under porch,


until she unbolts bolt.

(She believes in God and heart.
She trusts only her spirit
found written in God’s book.)

    5.
she built the family disillusioned on words, after living
twenty-one years with a man changing his father’s ways.

Mother, from summit of Erie Canal chose to stay.
I would wake at midnight to rummage Frigidaire
to see her write mystical lines to blood moon.
hair half combed,
lingering about shoulders and pen,
helping to spell out words.

Father said, “It’s a disease,
stealing from the night.”

cataract    she is cataract

    6.
in the morning we hear lions
calling us with leather snaps
swords painted on my dream
from her thorax         a tempered steal stare
as it enters our room in Goliath
steady steps      hovering over our beds
our names       socks    shirt    shoes
outside a 7 A.M. fog
thick
as my mother’s slurred tiredness
back to bed    pull up the covers    turn off the lights
father, if she doesn’t stop
i’ll live in the garage

    7.
“You don’t know it all . . . never will.
Let the sun block out the weak light.
Honey, watch for the black moon.”
My mother’s wisdom in metaphor.
I’ll never change,
grow more vigilante, un-compliant.

The moon is crossed out.  It’s spring now.  At night
I sneak to my loft,
chatter with raccoons,
plan that future bike shop below,
write out schematics,
and trust only voices
of the Good Book: Psalms.
David.

1/4/10

4 Corners

    On this Corner

  Gawking    at this house
       my glasses catch
    the reflection of passing vehicles
      just long enough to blot
         out a window
      or a door
      or a porch railing
   even the squirrel hanging
        on the gutter.

All of it
    actually
       is unimportant
  it doesn’t matter
    if this house is blue
    or         yellow
       it’s only a speck
          in a life         passing by

What if the corner house was gone tomorrow?
    Would it matter

          if that house changed
       colors—orange to teal, added
       a door
       or a window
       or a room        even
           walled-up every knob
              and screen
     but the back door?


    Across from the Dying Pine

The sidewalks are silent.
A single bird chirps
in the dying pine     across the road.

Over a rooftop, the sun
can be seen, and so can the moon.
The sidewalks are silent

before the wind and smoking chimneys.
I come here every morning,
across from the dying pine,

to sit and capture blackberries and squirrels in my mind
before they are lost
to the pounded sidewalks.

Why does this day need to be broken with rain?
Why not enjoy
the dying pine across the road? while
the sidewalks are silent.


    The Stop Sign

In front of me
   are four letters
   that command
   wanting me to obey
But often
   I snub the octagon
   brush the red
   from my sight
A four letter word
   so pounding      how
   can I ignore
        but I do
        and so do others
I command you
to
STOP        this poem


    Up To the Large Metal Z On the Chimney

a siren stops
right at this corner
below the Z attached to the chimney
the echo cutting my ears

my eyes    my fingertips    shoved
in my ears
blocking the emergency

from my mind
my brain stares
up to the large metal
Z    grasping onto the chimney

an ambulance loads
with gurney        medical box
pulling technician’s arm longer
to reach up and yank
that Z down        to tell me
the meaning
how the woman        belongs to the Z

and they attach it
to her snoring heart
wrapping the body silently

the siren stops

Followers